Hola!
I wanted to talk a little bit about post mission and how I have felt so far.
From what I've seen and know, post mission can be really hard for missionaries. The transition is intense and can be discouraging for some.
I have noticed that a lot of RMs fall into a lot of the same beliefs, the beliefs being:
I don't receive revelation anymore (or how I used to as a missionary).
God has shut the door on me.
I don't feel the spirit the same.
I don't have a purpose anymore.
There will never be a time in my life as spiritual and joyful as my mission.
There can be a bit of a tailspin.
Trying to balance coming off of a very intense daily schedule, with our whole life during those 18-24 months being completely and totally dedicated to the Lord to further His work here on the Earth. To coming home where a lot of people around you are concerned with very "worldly" and seemingly unimportant things.
There's a bit of pressure to be "normal" again. People make comments all the time like: "You're such a returned missionary" and "oooh careful of the missionary, they won't like that"
Comments that give off the notion that we need to stop being the person we became while on our mission.
That we "need" to start accepting what everyone else deems as appropriate and acceptable.
What no one tells you, or at least what my experience has been, is that those things simply don't appeal to me the way they use to. In all honesty, I don't really care what the latest trends are. I still think BeReal is fake 😂 I don't care to spend time with people who don't uplift. I want to surround myself with things that actually matter in the big picture. I want to surround myself with people who are kind and have meaningful goals. People with substance and an open heart and mind. People who love God.
I personally want to always care more about my faith than who's famous.
I don't want to care what other people think.
I want to always and only be concerned with what God thinks of me.
I want to always strive to learn more about who I am and where I came from through scripture study and prayer.
I want to always love teaching and be ecstatic about the scriptures.
I want to always take my covenants seriously.
I want to always apply and acknowledge the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
and quite frankly, I'm going to.
Let's just get that out of the way now.
I know hard times will come. I'm currently in one.
I know there may be faith crisis'.
But hard things don't automatically mean "No God".
hard things mean it's time to get to "know God"
that was good, huh. you're welcome ;)
I can confidently say that because for the past month I have been so anxious and scared thinking about how I'm going to move forward. How am I going to keep everything I want to keep and also live in the world we live in.
I'm pretty sure my jaw hasn't unclenched for the whole 6 weeks I've been home 😂
I've been so stressed trying to figure out what my next line of action is going to be as to keep up with all the things I personally feel are important. How to not let the things of the world or the comments get to me. How to let myself just freakin relax for a moment.
That stress has led to anxiety and I'm trying to work through it.
Still really hard but I had a little bit of an inclination that this would be the case.
And it's OKAY.
so THAT is what I am struggling with as a returned missionary.
Maybe it doesn't make sense because I don't really want to go back to my mission. I don't believe the lies of "I've been shut out" or "I don't receive revelation anymore". I especially don't believe my mission was the pinnacle of my life. I know God has more in store for me.
But I'll be sitting in a restaurant and see two sister missionaries and all of a sudden get emotional thinking about how much I loved being in their position.
or when I started my first day at the temple and snapped on the magnetic name tag and unexpectedly felt extremely sad at that very familiar feeling of putting on a tag.
I still don't really love being called Kloe which is funny and something I wasn't anticipating.
I really loved Sister Beck, she was awesome and that title is sacred to me.
I get random little reminders that make me a little sad. But again, it's been a month. I'm trying to be patient with myself. Because despite what the thoughts in my head are trying to tell me, I know God is being patient with me too. It's a big change. He knows.
I personally think all returned missionaries need to be more patient with themselves.
and believe that God did not intend for your mission to be the only good thing in your life.
God loves His returned missionaries just as much as His missionaries.
You can fact check me on that if you'd like.
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