Man, nothing like that sheer terror of getting on a plane to fly away from your family for 18 months. This experience has really solidified my faith in God because in any other circumstance I would've lost my mind. That should solidify your faith too because there was truly a 50/50 (let's be honest it was like a 10%) chance of me actually getting on the plane and somehow I did. I felt like someone should've checked me into a mental institution as I was voluntarily walking away from my family. Who does that?? Oh right just all the thousands and hundreds of thousands of missionaries in the history of ever.
There is for sure a force, maybe the spirit, maybe angels, or maybe Jesus himself, that I felt over me. Because even though every single part of me wanted to turn around and just go back home with my family. I felt a push to keep walking and move forward. 2/3 of me was surprisingly calm and collected but the other 1/3 was just in utter disbelief/shock that I actually went against everything that I am and got on the plane. That 1/3 of me was also shocked that 2/3 of me was calm. Usually its the other way around. Its truly a mental trip. This really was an out of body experience. It's an interesting thing when you are scared out of your mind and aren't sure about something but go ahead with it anyway. I still remember how this felt and it was really cool. There was a sense of pride of going through with it, a confidence or some kind of a reassurance. I don't know. It was special.
On a more spiritual note, I really do believe that the Lord takes care of His servants. If I was doing this for any reason other than to be a missionary for Jesus Christ, I wouldn't have even made it into the airport. Simple as that. I've felt an overarching calm and peace. I also know the church is true because I got some good rest for most of the flight. Yeah, I know. I am feeling the love. Despite some of the things that happened on my mission, I ALWAYS felt like Heavenly Father was taking care of me. I recognized His hand in my mission every single day. He blessed me to the max.
The humidity here has absolutely no mercy. Some days it feels like you could take a bite out of the air its so thick. I held out hope that it would be okay and I'd like it. I don't think I do. Surprisingly, I did learn to like it by the end. Still not ideal but compared to dry heat... I started sweating immediately after stepping off the plane. That was like a kick in the mouth. It was suuuper overwhelming those first few moments. Also as soon as I walk outside some days my glasses immediately fog up which is funny and embarrassing all at the same time. Ill have to get a pic sometime. Pros and cons I guess because it's veeeery beautiful here. This became my personality trait in Florida haha. the fogged glasses.
Our first day we got in at 2:30 FL time (12:30 UT time) did some paperwork and then went to the mission home and ate some good dinner/did interviews. Then we stayed at a hotel that night. Being a missionary is easy ;)
Florida's sunsets and sunrises supercede all. They are amazing! Especially here in Lake Mary. I love it here. It feels very foresty and islandy. I would say that Florida is city meets rain forest meets beach. Its really cool, its just missing some mountains ;). I do already have an intense watch tanline (which I did not have before), so I think that tells you all you need to know. I'm realizing that I am such a classic tourist when it comes to nature. My poor companion, I make her stop at every pretty thing we see so I can take it all in. We have a lake in our backyard and I saw a turtle in it and some fish!!!! I love Florida. I am a hard core missionary tourist. Florida was the perfect reassignment I could've asked for. It was so fun to be surrounded by so many different bugs and animals and greenery/plants. It was the best.
The work here is on fire. There is always someone to teach or someone to help. I was not expecting it. We are very busy. My companion and I are constantly changing our clothes in the car. Pross clothes, service clothes, pross clothes, service clothes. I've barely had any time to unpack. Everything here in Florida is basically all the way back to normal with missionary work and we're teaching a lot of people. Its very exciting.
Every morning and night I have about 2-8 minutes where I just hyperventilate and freak out for a second and then I snap out of it. One of the worst feelings ever lol every morning I was like "am I actually going to do this..." This experience is unlike any other. If I knew how it'd feel/what it was like before I came, I am not sure you could've made me come and power through it. Facts. Missions are great please go on one if you want to. I'm just here to tell the truth, and the first few days... HARD. Period.
Turns out I have to learn 3 languages. French. Spanish. And mission lingo. Missionaries SHORTEN EVERY WORD. I bet you're thinking "what the heck are pross clothes?" They're proselyting clothes. Yeah, I cannot keep up. Someone want to tell me what DCs are so I don't have to ask my trainer AGAIN. Thanks. Every missionary here says "jaunt"????? Like "what the jaunt" and "a ton of jaunt" hahahahahahahahahahahahha turns out "jaunt" was specifically a Lake Mary missionary thing.
what on earth does that mean?? That and "hype" are used every other word here. "Oh thats hype, what jaunt!" . Missionaries are also constantly snapping their fingers, but its like an arm movement and snap. So weird. The sister missionary voice is already seeping its way into me and I don't know how to avoid it. Every day I have to fight it hard. But if I come home saying "jaunt", you can know that I've lost all my morals and values on this mission. I didn't by the way. 💪🏽
The first day we helped a woman move. This woman is a strong, wonderful, talkative hoarder. And if you know me, you know that the last time I did a service project for a hoarder I had a full blown panic attack. I was like 14 or 15 and it scarred me for life. So this really had potential for disaster. The mess and the garbage and the not seeing the floor or the walls just... it effects me... negatively. This is real. Anyway we had to call in reinforcements so we had our whole district come and one friend of the woman. Her friend, Craig, changed my life that day. We were all in a circle talking about the Bible and Job's life (The woman and Craig are not members). At one point Craig says "I don't worry about things I can't control too much. Like why lock yourself in a cage with a bear".
Mind. Blown. What a guy. I think about this FREQUENTLY.
He goes: "Like yes, death and the bad things of the world are terrible (think of them as the bear) but you might as well address that the bear is there, agree that yes its scary, but move on. You don't get into the cage with the bear? Thats what worrying is like to me."
Everyone just kept on with the conversation but I just sat there genuinely just blown out of the water. Sorry to my therapist, this man just cured my anxiety. So many years of therapy when all I needed to hear was this.
Jokes, jokes.
People here have the coolest/craziest life stories. In Utah I'm just in my regular bubble where everyone has the same life but the people here are amazing (and absolutely nuts). Its so awesome because if they want to be apart of the church and follow Jesus, they really have to work for it. And they do. They push through the trials that are thrown at them. Its amazing to me. I've been here less than a week but I've met so many incredible (and seriously NUTSO) people already. They make this all so great. I. love. Floridians.
We're opening up a YSA branch, just me and my trainer. Everyone asks me what I did in the premortal life to deserve to be in a YSA my first area ever??? I guess missionaries really like YSA so thats cool! Anyway, we met with the branch president and he asked me how long I'd been out after I said the opening prayer, and when I told him he goes: yeah, you sound new.
All I'll say about that is, yes, it did hurt my feelings and yes, I was very humbled by that because I thought I was doing good. How do you know just from a PRAYER. I also remember this. I was like 👁👄👁
Sorry for the massive email but I think I warned you all that I'd have a lot to say ;) Feel free to message me whenever/however much you'd like! I can only respond on Mondays but its fun to get things throughout the week!!
Te amo, je taime
- Sister Beck
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